Letting Go... It's Tough

I admit it, I'm a little bit of a control freak... Ok, a lot perhaps.  I like my class to be organised, I like to feel like it looks pretty and colourful.  It's something I can control.  And let's face it, there's a lot that we can't control about teaching in today's education scene.

I've been thinking about this for the past few days, how much time I spend on making my classroom look wonderful.  How much time I spend cutting and laminating, cutting again and then arranging on my wall.  I like the process, it's somehow monotonous, soothing.  But it takes time.  And it's never ending.  How much worth do I place in the 'prettiness' of my classroom, how much evidence do I think it holds for me as a 'good' teacher.  Lots it turns out.  Misplaced worth I feel after my days of pondering.

I am a good teacher.  I know that.  My students feel loved and valued.  They know I'm there for them.  That's what is important.  Not how straight my borders are or whether my lettering matches the colour scheme of the display.

In today's fast paced, crazy-busy world something has to give.  And it has to be the something that isn't as important as the rest.  Perhaps the laminating and cutting needs to take a back seat if I'm to get on top of the real stuff this year.  Don't get me wrong, there'll still be laminating and displays but if my cutting isn't perfect or my writing is a little messier than usual I will try my best not to completely re-do the whole jolly thing.  There's just not enough time, and I have more important things to be doing. 

Something Is Missing!

I haven't blogged since Saturday night.  There's nothing particularly amazing or strange about that in my ordinary world.  Until now.  Now is different.  I blogged every single day for the 28 days of February as part of #28daysofwriting.  28 minutes every day.  It feels weird not to have written so far this week.  Like there's something missing.  It's interesting how quickly something becomes a habit.  Blogging became a habit during those 28 days and now at Day 3 post-February, I miss it.  I was tempted to sign up for the next installment of #28days but decided that if it truly was a writing habit then I shouldn't need the hashtag pushing me along.

The beauty of being a part of a writing initiative like that was that I was accountable.  I signed up.  Put my name down.  That means something.  Knowing that I had to write motivated me.  I didn't want to 'fail'.  The perfectionist in me needed to have 28 posts in the 28 days.  But now what?  Something is missing.  

My need to write is bone-deep.  It always has been, and writing this blog was its impetus for coming back to the surface.   The need to let words spill from my fingertips.  So now I write out of the love for it.  The hashtag is still there.  I am tempted to write for both the love and for the hashtag but I will see how this new habit goes.  I'll let it settle and see what comes of it.

Challenge, Motivation, Support - 28 Days Of It

28 days ago I had no real idea of what I was getting myself in for.  I signed up for #28daysofwriting in the hopes that I would get my blog up and running, get back into the habit of writing regularly and make some new connections with other educators.  My one goal was to make it.  To complete the 28 days rain, hail or shine.  I am proud to say I made it.

What I didn't expect was how much I would come to love my 28 minutes of writing each day.  The daily time allowance when I was in quiet reflection about my professional practice became so much more than just 28 minutes.  I didn't expect to be thinking about it or talking about it as much as I have.

In 28 days a lot of things have happened.

I have a sore hand/wrist from typing which my massage therapist picked up on today as she felt the tight muscles.  It's a little like the technology version of the writer's dent I get on my ring finger when I write by hand a lot.  She growled me.  I didn't care.

My typing speed has gone up markedly.  Each night as I sit furiously typing my hands fly across the keyboard of their own accord, like they used to when I was back in University.  I love that.

I have read the blogs of wonderful educators from around the world.  Inspiring posts and fantastic gleanings from these passionate people.  We are in good stead with them in our classrooms, heading our schools or working to train our educators.

In 28 days I have managed to come up with 28 different topics to write on.  Some of them average, some of them make me proud.  My posts have been read by family, friends, colleagues and my wonderful Twitter crew from #28daysofwriting.  Having a blog to write on is great, having an audience to write for is amazing.

I have made some great connections with other educators in the past 28 days, most of whom I hadn't connected with prior to the beginning of the challenge.  I've learnt a lot from them.  More than I can say.  Thank you all for your wonderfully crafted posts and equally amazing encouragement you have given me.  I am so very grateful.

In 28 days I have eaten far too much chocolate.  At the time felt like a reward for working so hard.  Now I just feel greedy.  Perhaps next should be #28dayssugarfree.  That might be a good idea (most likely one to be ignored however).

28 days ago I didn't understand how difficult it would be some days to find 28 minutes of peace and quiet in which to write.  It doesn't sound like very long, but some days it was hard to fit it in.  I've only ever written in the evening.  Sometimes posting, like last night, just before midnight.  Scraping in by the skin of my teeth.  Sometimes I'd remember that @tombarrett lives in Australia so is likely at least two hours behind New Zealand time and wouldn't perhaps realise that I might be late.  Never needed the excuse luckily!

27 of the nights I have managed to be uninterrupted for my 28 minutes because I type once Little Miss Two and Miss Four are tucked up fast asleep.  Tonight I didn't manage to be so lucky.  Tonight I type my last post for #28daysofwriting sitting in a dark room on Miss Two's bed, my presence soothing her off to sleep.  I am cross-legged and hunched over my Chromebook.  My massage therapist would be shaking her head.

And with that I will sign off.  I have loved every second of my #28daysofwriting.  The 28 precious minutes are something so much bigger than what they seem.  My love for writing has been reignited.  I love my blog.  I want to keep it up.  I will keep it up.

Thank you so much Tom and everyone in the #28daysofwriting group.  You have inspired and motivated me.  Challenged my beliefs about best practice.  Encouraged and supported me.  You have given me some of the best professional learning all from the comfort of your own homes far, far away.  We are a small and powerful group of dedicated and passionate educators.  Let's keep doing what we do, and sharing it with the world.    

A Great Teacher (Or Four)

When I cast my mind back to my favourite teachers, at Primary, Intermediate or High School, I think of four teachers in particular that stand out.  Funnily enough for a lot of the same reasons.  They weren't necessarily the 'nicest' teachers, the kind ones (although they were all kind in their own ways).  They stood out because they challenged me.  Believed in me.  And I liked that.

In Primary School it was Mr H that stands out above the rest.  Smiley eyes and a thick black moustache are what I remember about his face.  A kind face.  A warm heart but watch out if you crossed him.  I remember learning to really love reading in his class.  Sitting in rows facing the blackboard in the silent classroom.  The only sound to be heard, the turning of crisp pages.  I remember him reading to us, chapter books that held us enthralled for hours, I never wanted him to stop.  He was tough.  High standards.  But I knew he believed in me.

Mr N is next in the succession line of schooling at Intermediate.  A good friend to this very day, Mr N was all about relationships.  He was warm, funny and trusting.  But again he was someone you didn't want to get on the bad side of.  He was patient and fair, but when you lost his trust you knew it, and it was a hard road back.  From Mr N I learned to be myself.  He pushed me to not be like my friends, wasn't afraid to say so out loud and challenged me to believe in myself as a learner.  He was tough.  High standards.  But I knew he believed in me.

At High School Mr W-J was the first teacher to scare me, challenge me and believe in me.  He was a veteran of the high school, teaching my father and many before him.  Photos of him show that he never aged a day in the decades he taught at the school.  From Mr W-J I learned to love science, to become passionate about my world.  He could be terrifying, glaring at you from behind his overhead projector screen where day in and day out he would scrawl notes for us to copy diligently into our books.  I loved being in his class.  I was the first ever recipient of the trophy in his namesake and am proud to this day to have been awarded it from him.  He was tough, extremely tough.  High standards.  But I knew he believed in me.

Then there is Mr S.  Mr S taught Economics, a subject I had neither much like nor much dislike for.  I was okay at it.  It was Mr S that made the class one of my favourites to go to.  He was hilarious.  Tough as nails but funny as anything.  He had a bellow that could scare the living daylights out of you, but if you held his trust you were fine.  He was passionate about what he taught.  From him I learned the value of hard work, that you needed to give your all to be satisfied.  He was tough.  High standards.  But I knew he believed in me.

Finally, as a newly fledged teacher, my last favourite Mrs R.  She was assigned to be my tutor teacher and she was pretty polarising.  People either loved her or found her very hard to like.  I was in the former camp, luckily.  She marched to the beat of her own drum.  Held you accountable for everything that you should be held accountable for, no excuses even if you were a Beginning Teacher.  From her I learnt to really love and value each of my students.  To place them in the highest regard and nurture them to their full potential.  She passed away nearly a decade ago and the world lost a wonderful teacher and beautiful person in her passing.  She was tough.  High standards.  But I knew she believed in me.

I have taken pieces of all my favourites from over the years as I have moulded myself into the teacher I always wanted to be.  I would like to think I have managed to capture some of their qualities in my own teaching practice and manner.  I know the value of a student knowing that their teacher believes in them.  In my book it is the most powerful gift a teacher can give a child.  I must write them each a letter someday soon thanking them for the gifts and lessons they bestowed upon me.  I am eternally grateful.

Turtles, Sharks and Owls

Are you are a Turtle, a Shark, a Teddy Bear, a Fox or an Owl when it comes to dealing with conflict?  I was at a course the other day where these conflict types were discussed and I found it a really interesting concept (you can read another post about the other things I learnt here).  I learnt a lot about conflict, the types of ways people deal with it and how to help students to learn to work through it in a positive way.  All good stuff.

The animals associated with how people instinctively deal with conflict:

Turtle - quiet, retreats from conflict by withdrawing and refusing to talk about the issue.  The turtle avoids conflict at all costs.  They tend to stay away from conflict and avoid the people they have conflicts with.

Shark - aggressive, 'my way or the highway'.  Sharks do not shy away from conflict.  Instead they try to force their opinion or way onto the person they are in conflict with.  They are determined to 'win' and like to compete.

Teddy Bear - does what is expected of them to avoid conflict.  They accommodate and make sacrifices to keep harmony.  A Teddy Bear tries to smooth things over and will put others before themselves in an attempt to preserve their relationships.

Fox - makes compromises, negotiates.  They give a little to get a little.  They are willing to sacrifice and maintain balance for the greater good.  Foxes do not avoid conflict but also don't seek to fully resolve the issue to the satisfaction of both parties.

Owl - comes to solutions that suit both parties, reasons, remains calm.  Owls are collaborative and place great value on goals and relationships.  They like to problem solve and work through a conflict fully to make sure that all parties are satisfied with the outcome.

The point of discussing the conflict types at the course wasn't to decide on which way of dealing with conflict was 'better' but more to allow people to realise the positives and negatives of the way that they operate in a situation where conflict in involved.  Depending on the situation, a person who has developed good conflict management skills may choose to behave in any of the conflict styles to get the outcome that is desired.

As a side note for those of you who read my Maker Time post, Miss Four was looking at her 'cake' earlier and as she was rummaging around in it found a M n M chocolate.  I cannot hazard a guess as to how long it was in there for or what it was touching (a dead cicada or lump of gravel perhaps).  It was promptly eaten.  Awesome.

Reference must be made to the Cool Schools Mediation programme where I heard this information, it is however, written in my own words and I do not claim any ownership over the concept.

Lines, Tears and a Phonecall From My Mother

Oh dear.  This post is going to be all over the show, I just know it.  I don't like it, order and organisation are kinda my 'thing'.

I have crossed the line from tiredness into a state so far past tired that I cannot even think of a word for it. There is, however, no way I was going to miss writing tonight.  Day 25 of #28daysofwriting cannot be missed no matter how badly I want to shut my eyes or even though I feel my brain is working as though packed in cotton wool (bad choice of words - 'working' might be overstating my brain's capacity at the moment).  Forgive me.

We had Goal Setting meetings tonight with our parents and students.  They were amazing.  This year we did things differently, we had our meetings in the Learning Centre together - all our teachers meeting with parents in the same place.  I loved it.  There was a quiet buzz and murmur of conversation around the room and everywhere you looked heads were bent in earnest over tables, in deep discussion about goals for our students.  It was a great night.  Just as well - we have another night of them tomorrow.  This is the point where the tears come in, my last meeting of the night.  Everyone else had finished and my colleague and I were at the table with our last family (coincidentally the only time we'd been able to buddy up and sit in on one of our meetings together).  Master 9 sat in between his parents, his teachers filling in the other side of the circle.  And I was looking at him, this brave little boy sitting at a table with four adults around him, talking about him and his learning difficulties.  Not an easy place to be.  But his face was alight.  And I commented on it, the fact that he realised that around him sat four adults who believed in how smart he really was, four adults who were striving to find ways to help him to show it to the world.  It was the best moment of the night.  I couldn't help but feel tears prick the corners of my eyes as I said the words.  Luckily it was the last meeting of the night.

The phonecall was just that, a phonecall from my mother.  She rang during one of my Goal Setting meetings and I didn't answer (obviously).  She then rang again just now during my 28 minutes of writing, minute 12 to be exact.  Checking up on me.  She knew it was a big day.  I'll make do with 26 minutes of writing today, no complaints here.

So there you have it.  Day 25.  I'm feeling very proud that I blogged tonight despite the randomness of the material I'm posting.  Lines crossed.  Tears.  A phonecall.  That's all I have.  Good night.

Time, More Please

Time, that precious commodity we all crave more of.  I had another whole post that I planned to write tonight but just now as I looked down at the growing to-do-list for school on my screen I was struck by the fact that no matter how many things I tick off in any given day more keep piling up.  So far my list has 23 things on it.  And that's not including teaching full-time and any planning (or my 28 minutes of writing each night or the fact that I have goal setting meetings at school until 8pm for the following two nights!).  It's Tuesday night already and I had planned to clear my list by Friday.  Somehow I don't think this is going to be possible.  Sigh.

Time is defined as the 'point or period at which things occur'.  But time is very relative.  There is actual time and real time.  There are always 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day.  You get the picture.  That's actual time and it doesn't ever change or vary.  Real time is different.   Depending on what you are doing time can either whiz by ridiculously fast or drag by so incredibly slowly.  An hour sitting in the dentist's chair passes like an age, while sitting in an armchair for an hour having coffee with a friend speeds by.

Part of the reason I am struggling is because I'm a perfectionist who likes to keep things ticking along, jobs completed and the list checked off neatly.  Being a perfectionist usually means that the jobs are done well, to a high standard but it also means that I like to do them myself and that takes time.  My time.  So I am going to have to come up with some sort of plan of attack.  I have been thinking of a few ways to make sure that the most important things get done this week.  And so that I keep my sanity.

So here's what I am going to do:

• Prioritise the non-negotiables for each day and for the week - narrow the 23 things down to a manageable number.  Surely those 23 things aren't all absolutely necessary to get completed this week!
• Schedule time to not be disturbed - and use this time to really work to get things done.  This is always a hard thing to do but it is going to be imperative to my list-crossing-off this week.
• Avoid distractions such as social media, TV while working - I will use my time wisely.
• Make sure I take time to relax and unwind too, I know I will be far more efficient and happy if I build this into my day.
• Delegate things that someone else could easily do - this one is important and I have lots of amazing people who would gladly help if they know I need it.  Most of them would be horrified if they read this and realised that I hadn't asked for help.

So there's my sanity-saving, Friday-finishing solution.  Now I've just got to stick to it.  Not turn it into a 'do what I say not what I do' type scenario.  

And with that I have finished my 28 minutes of writing for #28daysofwriting.  In actual time it was 28 minutes on the clock, in real time it was far, far less!

How do you make sure you don't get snowed under with work-related things?  Any advice or helpful hints gratefully accepted!